Wise-Cracking Dish Towels

Funny Mom-isms at the Expense of Your Kids


I like a cleverly worded piece of copy. Even better if it’s funny as hell. Best if it comes on a dish towel that I can buy and take home.


I’m not one to pick up miscellaneous tchotchkes much. If you’re not familiar with Yiddish, a tchotchke is a miscellaneous small item, usually something you don’t really need. Like one of those souvenirs you pick up on vacation, certain that it’s a great reminder of your trip and useful, to boot – only to pick it up months later, wonder why you bought it, and then toss it in the trash. A tchotchke can also be a small gift that someone buys you as a thank you for your hospitality. Or because they’re trying to get something useless out of their house. Kinda like fruitcake, but less seasonal.


If I’m ever going to pick up a tchotchke, it’s going to be useful in some fashion. I don’t collect knick-knacks; I just don’t like non-functional clutter in my home. if I don’t need it, I enjoy it in the shop and leave it at that. But I had to buy one particular tchotchke a few summers ago while browsing through a gift shop while on a beach vacation.


It’s useful. It's funny. And it brings a smile to my face every time I use it. It’s a dish towel that reads:


Good moms let you lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first.

Cute, huh? Well, it appeals to me. I’m a mom. A mom who bakes. Well, once in a while, if I’m being honest about it. But when I do, I give my kids the option to lick the beaters and scoop out any remaining chocolate batter from the bowl. (Yes, it's almost always chocolate.) The spoon I reserve for myself.


I come by it honestly, as my mother has always loved to bake and claims that she planned her dinners around her dessert choices. “Hmm, brownies for dessert. And marzetti goes with brownies….” And that’s what we’d have. Licking the beaters was literally icing on the cake.


That two-liner joke and its absurd humor appeals to me on many levels as a mom, a daughter with fond memories, and someone who loves unexpected twists on the ordinary. It makes you think about the little kindnesses moms show their kids on a daily business, even though most go unnoticed as such. It’s also a sad reminder that some moms should never have become moms in the first place, and that we all should appreciate the good ones we have, and not just on Mother’s Day. Mostly though, it’s a fun jab I like to throw at my kids, because I like to keep them off balance with my humor now and then. They get a kick out of it, though they might worry about me a bit.


I’ve found plenty of pithy, funny one and two lines on greeting cards, magnets, and postcards over the years. Yes, there are plenty to be found online, too, but I prefer the joy of discovering them while browsing through a little shop when I'm on vacation. They're the kind of funny tokens you can pick up and actually hold. I started making notes of my favorites. Here are some other mom-related funnies:


If I ever go missing, please follow my kids. They can find me, no matter where I try to hide.

Treat your mom to a margarita. You’re probably the reason she drinks.

You can’t scare me – I’m a mom.

That last one also works for grandmas, teachers, nurses, or anyone else who’s had to put up with … a lot.


Perhaps Mark Twain started the whole thing. He wrote:


My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Yes, Mr. Twain, I’d say she probably did, though I suspect from your supposed antics that she enjoyed it most when you grew up and moved out of the house.


In a future post, I’ll share more of these 1-2 liners. Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed a few of these!